“Limbo” by Nicola An

buddhism, creative writing, literature, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual

Sometimes, I feel like I have run away far from myself with a one-way-ticket decision, my footsteps unheard like my muted words I arduously fumble for that even my treasured dry blossoms look flat-out useless in my sight. All the universes seem to be just sleeping inside me- a disconcerting silence ringing.

But this is the very moment I realize that you can only give yourself the space and time to recuperate and grow when you detach from you, by learning that you can be more than everything you’ve known about yourself. Just because you have come to shed another layer of yourself doesn’t mean you have gone astray.

You can’t always stay as a bird in a cage when you can actually fly. Feeling lost is not a setback, it’s a timely opportunity of seeking so you can let go of your invariable idea of who you are, don’t just color yourself with one hue when there are millions you can dare try.
Be patient with this emptiness and quest, it’s always worth waiting for yourself if you put your faith in the many ways you can flourish and shine once again.

-Infinitely,
Nicola An

Illuminated Decade

buddhism, creative writing, photography, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writing, yoga

Another decade has commenced, may we live in ILLUMINATION INSTEAD OF ILLUSION, that we get rid of this grotesque mask that overshadows our authentic self and choose to shape a renewed reality by becoming real. May we learn to be honest with what we want and what we don’t want anymore, have the courage to follow what our heart longs for and drop everything else that does not make us feel comfortable, appreciate what we already have and work for what we aspire with a clean conscience, and may we dare to acknowledge our insecurities and make them a huge part of how beautiful we are as imperfect humans. May we all see that the true light we are looking for in the dark, the LOVE we deserve is in our keen and full acceptance of who we really are inside and outside.
YOU ARE THE LIGHT YOU SEEK, WAKE UP. -Infinitely,
Nicola An

“Cleaving”

creative writing, Esoteric, love, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writer, writing

cleaving

Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different from that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.

 

-Nicola An

 

23rd Year

art, buddhism, creative writing, literary, literature, love, poem, poetry, popular, spiritual, Uncategorized, writing

Here’s to 2 3 years of borrowing this lifetime-this exhilarating and whimsical school of life. 2 3 years of being lost only to be found. 2 3 years of dreaming illusions before waking up to truth cannot be revoked. 2 3 years of giving and to be given more than what is expected. 2 3 years of being too much of myself and to finally let go and surrender to emptiness grandly liberating. 2 3 years of holding back and now allowing what is necessary to be there. 2 3 years of constantly feeling different yet always easily creating home. 2 3 and many years of loving unconditionally. My dear Universe, earth is beautiful, I am deeply honored, bless all the souls with me here. Happy 23rd birthday to this human I am grateful to take care of very well. My Soul loves me so much, I am infinite!
Only Love Only Light
-Nicola An

International Women’s Day

creative writing, literary, literature, love, photo, poetry, popular, prose, spiritual, words, writng

#internationalwomensday

Woman, the #Universe bows before you; you are clothed with light, a body etched with luminaries-every scar, ever blemish,every deformity, every damage for a true queen isn’t a skin-deep perfection but a spiritual masterpiece best rising through recognized flaws.

Most of all, you are a warrior, do not plead the world on weak knees, let it lean against your armor, and tell yourself henceforth that you are capable of anything in life for you are the ultimate vessel of life!

-Infinitely,

Nicola An

“The Universe at Heartbeat” by Nicola An [Poetry Book]

buddhism, creative writing, literary, literature, mainstream, poem, poetess, poetry, popular, spiritual, Uncategorized, words, writer, writng

 

kindle.png

“a testimony made through poetry and prose that tells a young journey of an old soul conveying love as the utmost life of the universe; this book is ours”

Link to purchase: Shelf

Preview of the book: BOOK TRAILER

NOTE:

While I’m working on my final requirement to publish in paperback, I also make my first poetry book available in kindle . To those who wish to have a company in times of self-discovery, fighting for their dreams, having a hard time loving and even in times when they are the hopefully hopeless romantic type, I am one with you all. I bleed words for you. The universe is always with you whatever that journey you’re leading on your own!

Much love and gratitude,

Nicola An