“Cleaving”

creative writing, Esoteric, love, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writer, writing

cleaving

Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different from that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.

 

-Nicola An

 

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“Healer” A Prose Poetry by Nicola An

art, creative writing, literary, literature, love, mainstream, photo, popular, prose

“Healer”

Just when I thought I’ve forgotten the scars I took in my flesh and my shadow from yesteryears, a clean start looks like it is about ready to be tainted. I’m afraid I’ve been so used to getting hurt, I’ve acquired an incurable addiction to heartache

The qualms that deter for it’s clearly presumed that remembrance is time’s gift whether we like it or not, gone does not mean forgotten

As my heart sings again, an echo of its previous songs remains in the background but should this be about what I try to hear again or what I audibly hear at the moment?

The world says you can’t love again unless your heart has completely healed but isn’t loving again the only way to heal a pained love?What if it’s the right person you prayed for, you don’t need to appear all new and sound that maybe only in these moments of living loving you do I get the complete healing I deserve?

Now I understand why I still felt broken no matter how I greatly took care of myself. Like a true love’s kiss made to break a curse, maybe you’re the exact antidote to treat my heart, the healer that Love wanted me to wait for…[hopefully]

-art and words by Nicola An

Aloneness

creative writing, literary, literature, love, photo, photography, poetry, popular, prose, spiritual, writing

Getting on with life through moments and chances, seeing and feeling what is necessary and what is provided, gladly taking in everything that is already there and yet glimpsing at an occasional episode of a disquieting thought like a shrill of warning piercing you inside. By and by, some things make an abrupt landing on your shoulders, one is when you surrender to the realization that what if what you have been greatly mastering leads you to failing, your comfort ccollapsing?


Such is the case for someone who has continuously earned the solitary days. Along the journey of finding bliss in solitude, getting so used to both inner and outer self while allowing the HEART to beat and the SOUL to search, I am bound to fear the confidence of aloneness, that this being all composed and distant where I stand still appreciating the gloom, I might miss what’s waiting for me behind the fog; which part of the world I must tend and nurture because as long as the skies whisper, there is somewhere that asks me to listen.

Life is always so clever teaching that what you highly gain turns out to instigate your pitfall. Maybe I have been too much at healing myself, I have forgotten that to love myself more is to manifest that love where it also belongs

– Nicola An

Souls at Home

art, creative writing, literary, literature, love, poetry, popular, prose, spiritual, writing

They’re meant to be each other’s home for only when together they can  stand side by side with all that restores and spreads the light to watch over the world and make it as majestic and wondrous as it was before the hands of the Universe did the craft, before time was numbered, before space gave birth to distance. But Love being the quintessence of existence, untouchable and beyond the limits and appraisal of the human’s eyes, it extensively unfolds to bring two Souls no matter how apart their entities on earth are. Love and Light will certainly come to them for that is what they’re made of. Eventually, there will be returning to the Source. That is how they are each other’s home.

 -Infinitely,

Nicola An
Only Love Only Light

Letter of Apology to Divine Love

creative writing, literary, literature, love, poem, poetess, poetry, prose, spiritual, Uncategorized

Dear Love,

Please forgive this heart, forgive my current situation, the sudden panic and confusion.

Please forgive me for the bitter words I threw at your name, for what you were in the world at that moment.

Please forgive me for pushing Love away just because it kept pulling you closer to me.

Please forgive my impatience, for letting myself give in to my human weaknesses.

Please forgive me for ever saying that I hated you the most in this world just because I cannot run away from you even if I wanted to forget you ever happened to me.

Please forgive me that I’m still going to let myself down for a while, that I am not strong enough yet to keep fighting for this Love, for turning my back on this Light.

But know that I can’t breathe well, my heart is hurting in ways that I find fatal that I am getting sick, though I am completely sticking to this weakness, I know I will survive soon for your Divine Love will always hold me.

Oh sweet Soul, forgive this heart for being tired of this world.
I love you still

-Infinitely,

your Divine Love in the third dimension

A Whisper of Positivity 

buddhism, creative writing, literary, literature, love, poetry, prose, spiritual, words, writer, writing

If you are weary, scared and shattered, I hope this can help:
Acknowledging that there is Oneness,it’s impossible not to empathize, it’s real frustrating, affecting a feeling of being so powerless. I’ve been trying to make every tragic news fall on my deaf ears but the more resilient you are, the more you get pushed and the last straw is when the “opposite of the light” is well aware of your weakness, it takes one incident to eventuate your fall. Sometimes the way to the light is quite wobbly, I won’t sugarcoat spirituality.It is a SILENT BATTLE UNSEEN. I know that some of you can comprehend, and some only read this with immediate confusion and even a flicker of unfavorable impression;nevertheless,I believe that we all dream of salvation, redemption, peace…of heaven even here on #earth because we all have hopes and goals,chased or ignored.It is our purpose to look forward to happier beginnings so we can go back to paradise we’ve been told we came from and only when we choose the good, do the good and SEE the good can we return HOME.If you want to consider the “bad”, yes! It’s the “opposite of the light” taunting and daunting you so you will surrender to its darkness but please, this is the best moment to look at things as the Higher Power’s test how adamant you are when it comes to fulfilling what drives you to reaching your higher self!Just because it’s not safe anywhere doesn’t mean you stay shut and immobile, get out, the world is for adventures.Just because they say the end is near doesn’t mean you end your quest for bliss, every single day is full of forever! Just because people punish and kill doesn’t mean no one can be trusted and no one deserves forgiveness, an act of strong compassion always makes a HEART beat. Just because atrocity is omnipresent and viral doesn’t mean TRUE LOVE is hard to be found, what isn’t easily attained is always worth the fight! 

Do not decorate your own deathbed by giving up living.Remember that everything is a test of #FAITH.

-Infinitely,Nicola An

Sunset Viewing 

creative writing, literary, literature, photography, poetry, prose, travel, words

Out of the blue, a voice from the cheery spirit of me spoke inside my head as I recalled one late afternoon. I was consumed by the vague, distant beginning at the end of my eyes’ perspective. Now here, I’d like to listen to that positive side once again ;this feels like I have all these small boats to make the view less empty, that perhaps there is progress and things probably start to emerge; however, I can sometimes remain impatient for when does my ship show it sail?- this can make me sick, seeing the same small boats when I’ve been waiting for my ship that I would rather not hope anymore when the clouds are so hazy.But the voice pulls me back: ” you may storm away with repetitive disappointment but dare to consider that if you turn your back on that horizon now, you might miss the view when your ship finally arrives and it ends up not catching up with you.” 

-Nicola An