“The Poems I Wish to Write About You”

These thoughts in my heart are plenty
unlike those words that run on empty-
the poems I could only wish to scribble
that often merge into a puzzle,
stashed among unread books for days,
lackluster hours they solely embrace

A sprig of chrysanthemums seeking attention
from my idle stare and frozen intention

These papers are lying flat and frowning
like these words huddled, brooding 
Perhaps they're streams resisting gravity
'cause the ocean may not consent serendipity
I might begin another story that hides in fiction
and reluctantly drug myself with disillusion 

The poems I wish to write about you
are letters imagining your sweetest beam upon receiving
Oh, I am this anxious poetry tethered to daydreaming

Poetry: Personal Commitment by Nicola An

Poetry is a personal commitment, and even more than that and for a poet to abandon poetry is death. I confess that I almost extinguished that fire in me, one time I just thought of forgetting about my scribbles,journals and random prompts. The truth is, the past months, my words were kind of lost in translation whenever I started to feel the need to write them down because maybe I had been confused as life turned a new leaf. Two years ago,a major shift took place in my Spiritual journey, Love being silent but not quite lenient,thinking about it now,it seems as though it happened like a second ago. The Universe just did everything needed to save me from the false dreams I couldn’t wake up from, they were just shadows leading me to return to my true light. It was grueling having to break again, to accept the disappointment and let go, close a chapter and so I felt crippled inside. The changes caused me to clear my thoughts and wipe my stained heart clean as I was beginning to see even wider horizons.Then came a year when I had a professional pursuit to fulfill that I had to lay off creative writing, and given a special day, 5th of July last year,I succeeded in that pursuit which called for a major adjustment. Days,weeks and months went that I was juggling responsibilities/priorities while I was working on myself as synchronicities arrived intensely. It was exhausting to feel yourself in different places that you wish you can hibernate.I couldn’t write anything the way that should please me because although I was whole, I felt drained, my words were stranded somewhere. Fortunately, Love is love and you can never run away from your heart.I believe awakening being a constant process, it will always come to a period of redesigning and rebuilding you, you know there’s always room for something new. Now, thank you for being there in my life, thank you for allowing my heart to beat. Here’s to a lifetime of poems!

-Infinitely,
Nicola An

“Love doesn’t intimidate, it can only motivate ” -Nicola An

Another lazy morning with me at least trying to be useful under the sun with my parents around, I was doing a small chore and I was standing by the garden when I was viewing the full-blown bloom of sunflowers at a short distance- a chain-link fence between us.

The sunflower plant actually belonged to us but for some reason we cannot identify, we can’t grow it at home the way we wanted and expected. I remembered the brief days it was gracing our garden but rapidly losing its bloom that my mom decided to replant it at the land lot next to ours, it’s an empty lot with vegetation only.

Just like that, the sunflower have come to flourish healthily and beautifully among the other flowering plants. I stared at its bloom today, a glorious spectacle marking the start of my day. However, part of me was aching because it’s thriving better away from home like we can’t make it stay just within our property. I asked my mother if there’s even a chance that we can make it come back and not wilt again. Her answer was far from yes so like a little girl crying over spilled milk, I felt defeated that I was thinking out loud: “So even if it belongs to us, we can’t have it with us?”…

Startled, I heard my father responding to me with at least a positive tone “It’s fine just as long as we can see it from here”. I was totally caught off guard, I can only ponder deeply and arrive at a brighter perspective. I was able to let go, not only of the sunflower but of the thought and emotion that had been challenging me the past days.

I didn’t need to identify the reason it wasn’t growing at home, everything happened to teach me a lesson, to identify the reason in myself.

Sometimes, when we know it full well what’s best for the people we Love, we need to consider the choice of allowing them to be in the place where they can live better and do better.

Perhaps, we have to admit that we don’t have enough YET to be the best for them but letting them go doesn’t mean shutting our eyes as if they don’t exist. “I will make that plant grow well with me in time”- the very glorious sight of those we Love should stand as our inspiration to be better than who we are today.

Love doesn’t intimidate, it can only motivate

-Nicola An

“Healer” A Prose Poetry by Nicola An

“Healer”

Just when I thought I’ve forgotten the scars I took in my flesh and my shadow from yesteryears, a clean start looks like it is about ready to be tainted. I’m afraid I’ve been so used to getting hurt, I’ve acquired an incurable addiction to heartache

The qualms that deter for it’s clearly presumed that remembrance is time’s gift whether we like it or not, gone does not mean forgotten

As my heart sings again, an echo of its previous songs remains in the background but should this be about what I try to hear again or what I audibly hear at the moment?

The world says you can’t love again unless your heart has completely healed but isn’t loving again the only way to heal a pained love?What if it’s the right person you prayed for, you don’t need to appear all new and sound that maybe only in these moments of living loving you do I get the complete healing I deserve?

Now I understand why I still felt broken no matter how I greatly took care of myself. Like a true love’s kiss made to break a curse, maybe you’re the exact antidote to treat my heart, the healer that Love wanted me to wait for…[hopefully]

-art and words by Nicola An

“Sink or Float” Poem

I always love taught by the ocean
However,I question the longevity
For this isn’t as deep as the
current that helped me propel when
life at its worst fell
As my heart then learns what
choice to keep
” to sink or to float?”
.
He may be as fancy as a brand
new glistening boat
Such sight in thought reminds me
of the BALMY breeze and WARMTH
for free
I’ve been feeding my own depth
selfishly to drown for another
selflessly
This, a point of resolve to stay
on the surface, my body in
EFFORTLESSLY ways
Floating and fairly breathing
Because now I’d rather look
at LOVE in the most precious
grinning SUN up above –

art & poem by Nicola An

First Publishing Anniversary

Oh dear Universe and all the loving spirits in the higher dimensions, thank you for A YEAR of “The Universe at Heartbeat”, this is me speaking from my earth self, thank you for allowing me to create this piece. For the times of constant healing whenever I see this book because the journey that made me accomplish this will always be that one special reminder of being grateful to be here and being capable of understanding the balance and magic of existence. Thank you for making it as a bridge for me to connect to people I instantly find warm and welcoming even without meeting them, and for the kind words I randomly receive. I hope to create more and to send the love even to the next lifetime. I am not sure if I’ve spoken enough to deliver the true journey of this book, but hopefully to suffice it all: THE UNIVERSE AT HEARTBEAT is my gratitude to the Light that saved me, it is giving back to what I’ve been given, and from that Light I learned to always see the good and to never run out of something good to give. 🙂 I wish you a lifetime full of blissful days and a peaceful heart!

Thank you for your existence, if you happen to read this, do something good to yourself now! -Infinitely,

Nicola An

Cosmic Love

“I am not dreaming, I am not fantasizing. I am opening all the doors and windows to my Soul as my heart is mending and gaining wisdom from my higher being. Here I sit down in the coziest, most peaceful niche of the Universe where there is a pure understanding of the physical world. I have not forgotten about you, in fact, I get by with the thought of you silently catching me before I get down on my knees; of you not leaving while I often walk alone. I can hear you, see you through synchronicity​ and esoteric patterns calling my attention. You are like a ghost though I must say it utterly amazes me how you exist as an energy, fervent yet calm and gentle. Know that I am grateful for telling me we are always one despite being apart. What is here on earth is for my evolution, to remember that we are more than fairy-tales and romantic companionship. You’ve been my magic for helping me realize my truth. We are apart but this Divine Love has come to undress me of my human needs,I am all stars now made of yours. I am a massive light made of you”
-I N F I N I T E L Y,

NICOLA AN
Only Love Only Light

Souls at Home

They’re meant to be each other’s home for only when together they can  stand side by side with all that restores and spreads the light to watch over the world and make it as majestic and wondrous as it was before the hands of the Universe did the craft, before time was numbered, before space gave birth to distance. But Love being the quintessence of existence, untouchable and beyond the limits and appraisal of the human’s eyes, it extensively unfolds to bring two Souls no matter how apart their entities on earth are. Love and Light will certainly come to them for that is what they’re made of. Eventually, there will be returning to the Source. That is how they are each other’s home.

 -Infinitely,

Nicola An
Only Love Only Light

Letter of Apology to Divine Love

Dear Love,

Please forgive this heart, forgive my current situation, the sudden panic and confusion.

Please forgive me for the bitter words I threw at your name, for what you were in the world at that moment.

Please forgive me for pushing Love away just because it kept pulling you closer to me.

Please forgive my impatience, for letting myself give in to my human weaknesses.

Please forgive me for ever saying that I hated you the most in this world just because I cannot run away from you even if I wanted to forget you ever happened to me.

Please forgive me that I’m still going to let myself down for a while, that I am not strong enough yet to keep fighting for this Love, for turning my back on this Light.

But know that I can’t breathe well, my heart is hurting in ways that I find fatal that I am getting sick, though I am completely sticking to this weakness, I know I will survive soon for your Divine Love will always hold me.

Oh sweet Soul, forgive this heart for being tired of this world.
I love you still

-Infinitely,

your Divine Love in the third dimension

A Whisper of Positivity

If you are weary, scared and shattered, I hope this can help:
Acknowledging that there is Oneness,it’s impossible not to empathize, it’s real frustrating, affecting a feeling of being so powerless. I’ve been trying to make every tragic news fall on my deaf ears but the more resilient you are, the more you get pushed and the last straw is when the “opposite of the light” is well aware of your weakness, it takes one incident to eventuate your fall. Sometimes the way to the light is quite wobbly, I won’t sugarcoat spirituality.It is a SILENT BATTLE UNSEEN. I know that some of you can comprehend, and some only read this with immediate confusion and even a flicker of unfavorable impression;nevertheless,I believe that we all dream of salvation, redemption, peace…of heaven even here on #earth because we all have hopes and goals,chased or ignored.It is our purpose to look forward to happier beginnings so we can go back to paradise we’ve been told we came from and only when we choose the good, do the good and SEE the good can we return HOME.If you want to consider the “bad”, yes! It’s the “opposite of the light” taunting and daunting you so you will surrender to its darkness but please, this is the best moment to look at things as the Higher Power’s test how adamant you are when it comes to fulfilling what drives you to reaching your higher self!Just because it’s not safe anywhere doesn’t mean you stay shut and immobile, get out, the world is for adventures.Just because they say the end is near doesn’t mean you end your quest for bliss, every single day is full of forever! Just because people punish and kill doesn’t mean no one can be trusted and no one deserves forgiveness, an act of strong compassion always makes a HEART beat. Just because atrocity is omnipresent and viral doesn’t mean TRUE LOVE is hard to be found, what isn’t easily attained is always worth the fight! 

Do not decorate your own deathbed by giving up living.Remember that everything is a test of #FAITH.

-Infinitely,Nicola An