“The Universe at Heartbeat” by Nicola An [Poetry Book]

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“a testimony made through poetry and prose that tells a young journey of an old soul conveying love as the utmost life of the universe; this book is ours”

Link to purchase: Shelf

Preview of the book: BOOK TRAILER

NOTE:

While I’m working on my final requirement to publish in paperback, I also make my first poetry book available in kindle . To those who wish to have a company in times of self-discovery, fighting for their dreams, having a hard time loving and even in times when they are the hopefully hopeless romantic type, I am one with you all. I bleed words for you. The universe is always with you whatever that journey you’re leading on your own!

Much love and gratitude,

Nicola An

 

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I know that sometimes-or perhaps right now-the thought of somewhere on the other side you call “a better place” gives you the sole comfort, as though running away is always the answer. You look at the yonder horizon and wish for someplace else where no one knows you and everyone has sweeter words that are always music to your ears, where things hurt less and everything won’t be out of hand and against you,where you can stroll around or even run blithely without having to feel like you are a scene unwanted,where people have eyes to see your soul and not to look at how incorrigible the flaws you wear,and most of all where breathing and following your heart will be equally easy. Sure, there is a dream of an idyllic life, we always ask for the better, you hate it here because you don’t belong here so there must be a right place where you should be. You feel like a captive now in your own present life because you are still here and freedom seems to be so far away- these are all because you just want to escape.Do not cheat on your  fate. Do you know why you are here?

Because everything is already here, you are here because you belong here. Where you are is where you belong and where you are called to serve the world, even the aged tree knows it stays where it was planted because for decades it remains as the nearest tree where people run to whenever it rains.

It’s the process of life not only for yourself but for others as well.
Wanting to be away from here to be “there” is the torture, you are half present and half absent. No one can walk properly with feet apart.

-Yours truly

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The Tougher Question

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When we encounter people we’ve never seen in a long time or when we get to talk to a specific person we trust the most [usually a best friend] after a busy day, sometimes the first question that comes from them is “how are you now?”. Of course you may breezily say “I’m fine.” to keep a light conversation, it could be a lie if you are silently choking on it but at some point of your life you can say it with truthfulness if you go on fighting albeit the constant struggles.

In the past years of being all broken, you probably prayed that at the end of the tunnel your light will be that honest answer of you saying “I’m fine.” Finally, after overcoming the throes of depression and forgiving yourself, it must be your proudest moment having to see that light. But just when you knew you had passed the test, it turned out that it wasn’t the hardest one yet.

Suddenly life threw you a question if you are happy. At a loss for words, it’s as though you were brought in front of an empty white wall and you were told to try to read what wasn’t even there, you just stared and held your breath.

Here is the thing, it is quite a dilemma especially when the ego detects a challenge; to make it easy for you you will respond “yes, I am happy!” even if something inside you is holding back but then you will come out real and admit that you are not happy because you just realized it’s unbecoming to pretend. The good news is you don’t feel weak and ashamed at all after admitting, and you shortly comprehend that what you meant was “I’m not happy but I’m not miserable anymore.” If unhappiness before was like wanting to die right away, today it’s just as simple as taking a nap to de-stress.

Just because you are now a better person than you were does not mean you should always completely give the assurance to yourself that you are away from the monsters that lurk at every corner of the world. Overcoming depression is about being brave enough to accept the dark phase of life, it is knowing and understanding that perennial sadness can be a blessing, it is a rare strength you could ever acquire.

Being unhappy doesn’t always mean you are losing hope, sometimes it is this comforting thought: “life is hard but I am still alive.”

 

-Nicola An