“The Poems I Wish to Write About You”

creative writing, literary, love, poem, poetess, poetry, words, writer, writing


These thoughts in my heart are plenty
unlike those words that run on empty-
the poems I could only wish to scribble
that often merge into a puzzle,
stashed among unread books for days,
lackluster hours they solely embrace

A sprig of chrysanthemums seeking attention
from my idle stare and frozen intention

These papers are lying flat and frowning
like these words huddled, brooding 
Perhaps they're streams resisting gravity
'cause the ocean may not consent serendipity
I might begin another story that hides in fiction
and reluctantly drug myself with disillusion 

The poems I wish to write about you
are letters imagining your sweetest beam upon receiving
Oh, I am this anxious poetry tethered to daydreaming

“Limbo” by Nicola An

buddhism, creative writing, literature, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual

Sometimes, I feel like I have run away far from myself with a one-way-ticket decision, my footsteps unheard like my muted words I arduously fumble for that even my treasured dry blossoms look flat-out useless in my sight. All the universes seem to be just sleeping inside me- a disconcerting silence ringing.

But this is the very moment I realize that you can only give yourself the space and time to recuperate and grow when you detach from you, by learning that you can be more than everything you’ve known about yourself. Just because you have come to shed another layer of yourself doesn’t mean you have gone astray.

You can’t always stay as a bird in a cage when you can actually fly. Feeling lost is not a setback, it’s a timely opportunity of seeking so you can let go of your invariable idea of who you are, don’t just color yourself with one hue when there are millions you can dare try.
Be patient with this emptiness and quest, it’s always worth waiting for yourself if you put your faith in the many ways you can flourish and shine once again.

-Infinitely,
Nicola An

Illuminated Decade

buddhism, creative writing, photography, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writing, yoga

Another decade has commenced, may we live in ILLUMINATION INSTEAD OF ILLUSION, that we get rid of this grotesque mask that overshadows our authentic self and choose to shape a renewed reality by becoming real. May we learn to be honest with what we want and what we don’t want anymore, have the courage to follow what our heart longs for and drop everything else that does not make us feel comfortable, appreciate what we already have and work for what we aspire with a clean conscience, and may we dare to acknowledge our insecurities and make them a huge part of how beautiful we are as imperfect humans. May we all see that the true light we are looking for in the dark, the LOVE we deserve is in our keen and full acceptance of who we really are inside and outside.
YOU ARE THE LIGHT YOU SEEK, WAKE UP. -Infinitely,
Nicola An

TO THE ONES WHO FEEL LIKE THEY’RE STUCK FOREVER

creative writing, literature, poetry, self-awareness, writng

TO THE ONES WHO FEEL LIKE THEY’RE STUCK FOREVER,

You may find yourself confined, buried like the tiniest seed planted alone while everybody else stands aloft, as full-blown and resplendent as the cluster of trees around you, and then shame is thrusting you deeper below the ground that you go on thinking how hapless and dark it is now and you won’t ever make it out of this lowest point of life forever. Come to think of it that the deeper the roots, the higher chances that your growth will know resilience enduring anything, your strong foundation will be your everything. Sometimes, THE PLACE WHERE YOU FEEL STUCK IS WHERE YOU GROW BEST. This is just another day when the world isn’t at your feet but you have to choose to look up because the SUN IS ALWAYS THERE TO SHINE ON YOU, this is not just about getting so much of what you want or going farther than where you are. Every moment of stasis is about building yourself up for your greatest endeavors ahead. This is just your temporary chrysalis and it’s only a matter of time before you awaken as a butterfly expected by the Universe that has already imprinted this in your fate. -Infinitely,
Nicola An

Poetry: Personal Commitment by Nicola An

art, creative writing, literary, literature, love, photo, poem, poetess, poetry, poetry reading, prose, words, writer, writing

tumblr_ptzqafJagq1w3fwmko1_1280

Poetry is a personal commitment, and even more than that and for a poet to abandon poetry is death. I confess that I almost extinguished that fire in me, one time I just thought of forgetting about my scribbles,journals and random prompts. The truth is, the past months, my words were kind of lost in translation whenever I started to feel the need to write them down because maybe I had been confused as life turned a new leaf. Two years ago,a major shift took place in my Spiritual journey, Love being silent but not quite lenient,thinking about it now,it seems as though it happened like a second ago. The Universe just did everything needed to save me from the false dreams I couldn’t wake up from, they were just shadows leading me to return to my true light. It was grueling having to break again, to accept the disappointment and let go, close a chapter and so I felt crippled inside. The changes caused me to clear my thoughts and wipe my stained heart clean as I was beginning to see even wider horizons.Then came a year when I had a professional pursuit to fulfill that I had to lay off creative writing, and given a special day, 5th of July last year,I succeeded in that pursuit which called for a major adjustment. Days,weeks and months went that I was juggling responsibilities/priorities while I was working on myself as synchronicities arrived intensely. It was exhausting to feel yourself in different places that you wish you can hibernate.I couldn’t write anything the way that should please me because although I was whole, I felt drained, my words were stranded somewhere. Fortunately, Love is love and you can never run away from your heart.I believe awakening being a constant process, it will always come to a period of redesigning and rebuilding you, you know there’s always room for something new. Now, thank you for being there in my life, thank you for allowing my heart to beat. Here’s to a lifetime of poems!

-Infinitely,
Nicola An

“Cleaving”

creative writing, Esoteric, love, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writer, writing

cleaving

Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different from that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.

 

-Nicola An

 

“Brightest One” Spoken Word Poetry by Nicola An

art, creative writing, literary, love, poem, poetess, poetry, poetry reading, popular, spiritual, spoken word, twin flames, words, writer, writing, writng

CLICK TO READ AND LISTEN TO FULL POEM: “Brightest One” by Nicola An

“I grew up staring at the stars, not knowing

which one was the brightest until I saw you that

all the stars I look at now are the brightest

because looking at one is also seeing you”

spokenword