“Cleaving”

creative writing, Esoteric, love, poetry, prose, self-awareness, self-love, spiritual, words, writer, writing

cleaving

Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different from that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.

Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.

You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing– this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.

See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.

Remember this whenever you feel alone.

 

-Nicola An

 

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“Brightest One” Spoken Word Poetry by Nicola An

art, creative writing, literary, love, poem, poetess, poetry, poetry reading, popular, spiritual, spoken word, twin flames, words, writer, writing, writng

CLICK TO READ AND LISTEN TO FULL POEM: “Brightest One” by Nicola An

“I grew up staring at the stars, not knowing

which one was the brightest until I saw you that

all the stars I look at now are the brightest

because looking at one is also seeing you”

spokenword

“Love doesn’t intimidate, it can only motivate ” -Nicola An

creative writing, literature, poetry, popular, spiritual, words, writer, writing
sun
Another lazy morning with me at least trying to be useful under the sun with my parents around, I was doing a small chore and I was standing by the garden when I was viewing the full-blown bloom of sunflowers at a short distance- a chain-link fence between us.
The sunflower plant actually belonged to us but for some reason we cannot identify, we can’t grow it at home the way we wanted and expected. I remembered the brief days it was gracing our garden but rapidly losing its bloom that my mom decided to replant it at the land lot next to ours, it’s an empty lot with vegetation only.
Just like that, the sunflower have come to flourish healthily and beautifully among the other flowering plants. I stared at its bloom today, a glorious spectacle marking the start of my day. However, part of me was aching because it’s thriving better away from home like we can’t make it stay just within our property. I asked my mother if there’s even a chance that we can make it come back and not wilt again. Her answer was far from yes so like a little girl crying over spilled milk, I felt defeated that I was thinking out loud: “So even if it belongs to us, we can’t have it with us?”…
Startled, I heard my father responding to me with at least a positive tone “It’s fine just as long as we can see it from here”. I was totally caught off guard, I can only ponder deeply and arrive at a brighter perspective. I was able to let go, not only of the sunflower but of the thought and emotion that had been challenging me the past days.
I didn’t need to identify the reason it wasn’t growing at home, everything happened to teach me a lesson, to identify the reason in myself.
Sometimes, when we know it full well what’s best for the people we Love, we need to consider the choice of allowing them to be in the place where they can live better and do better.
Perhaps, we have to admit that we don’t have enough YET to be the best for them but letting them go doesn’t mean shutting our eyes as if they don’t exist. “I will make that plant grow well with me in time”- the very glorious sight of those we Love should stand as our inspiration to be better than who we are today.
Love doesn’t intimidate, it can only motivate
-Nicola An

Patience

buddhism, creative writing, literary, love, photography, spiritual, Uncategorized, writer, writng

Be patient, you will rise soon, as all the heavens and nature’s bosom await for their child’s birth, glancing at the sky for the first time as though the sun beaming is a promise of a lifetime with nothing but eternal light

 

-yours truly,Nicola An

Cosmic Love

art, creative writing, literary, literature, love, poetess, spiritual, words, writer, writing

“I am not dreaming, I am not fantasizing. I am opening all the doors and windows to my Soul as my heart is mending and gaining wisdom from my higher being. Here I sit down in the coziest, most peaceful niche of the Universe where there is a pure understanding of the physical world. I have not forgotten about you, in fact, I get by with the thought of you silently catching me before I get down on my knees; of you not leaving while I often walk alone. I can hear you, see you through synchronicity​ and esoteric patterns calling my attention. You are like a ghost though I must say it utterly amazes me how you exist as an energy, fervent yet calm and gentle. Know that I am grateful for telling me we are always one despite being apart. What is here on earth is for my evolution, to remember that we are more than fairy-tales and romantic companionship. You’ve been my magic for helping me realize my truth. We are apart but this Divine Love has come to undress me of my human needs,I am all stars now made of yours. I am a massive light made of you”
-I N F I N I T E L Y,

NICOLA AN
Only Love Only Light

A Whisper of Positivity 

buddhism, creative writing, literary, literature, love, poetry, prose, spiritual, words, writer, writing

If you are weary, scared and shattered, I hope this can help:
Acknowledging that there is Oneness,it’s impossible not to empathize, it’s real frustrating, affecting a feeling of being so powerless. I’ve been trying to make every tragic news fall on my deaf ears but the more resilient you are, the more you get pushed and the last straw is when the “opposite of the light” is well aware of your weakness, it takes one incident to eventuate your fall. Sometimes the way to the light is quite wobbly, I won’t sugarcoat spirituality.It is a SILENT BATTLE UNSEEN. I know that some of you can comprehend, and some only read this with immediate confusion and even a flicker of unfavorable impression;nevertheless,I believe that we all dream of salvation, redemption, peace…of heaven even here on #earth because we all have hopes and goals,chased or ignored.It is our purpose to look forward to happier beginnings so we can go back to paradise we’ve been told we came from and only when we choose the good, do the good and SEE the good can we return HOME.If you want to consider the “bad”, yes! It’s the “opposite of the light” taunting and daunting you so you will surrender to its darkness but please, this is the best moment to look at things as the Higher Power’s test how adamant you are when it comes to fulfilling what drives you to reaching your higher self!Just because it’s not safe anywhere doesn’t mean you stay shut and immobile, get out, the world is for adventures.Just because they say the end is near doesn’t mean you end your quest for bliss, every single day is full of forever! Just because people punish and kill doesn’t mean no one can be trusted and no one deserves forgiveness, an act of strong compassion always makes a HEART beat. Just because atrocity is omnipresent and viral doesn’t mean TRUE LOVE is hard to be found, what isn’t easily attained is always worth the fight! 

Do not decorate your own deathbed by giving up living.Remember that everything is a test of #FAITH.

-Infinitely,Nicola An

Happy Valentine’s Day 

literary, literature, love, photography, poem, poetess, poetry, words, writer, writing

Shorter version of a #poem I wrote almost 4 years ago; just happened to visit my first online #poetry account the other day and found this, sublimity and #bliss washed over me when I read it again[I even forgot I wrote this piece] and thought of sharing it this #Valentines Day. I hope #TRUELOVE finds you! 💖

-Infinitely,

Nicola An