These thoughts in my heart are plenty unlike those words that run on empty- the poems I could only wish to scribble that often merge into a puzzle, stashed among unread books for days, lackluster hours they solely embrace A sprig of chrysanthemums seeking attention from my idle stare and frozen intention These papers are lying flat and frowning like these words huddled, brooding Perhaps they're streams resisting gravity 'cause the ocean may not consent serendipity I might begin another story that hides in fiction and reluctantly drug myself with disillusion The poems I wish to write about you are letters imagining your sweetest beam upon receiving Oh, I am this anxious poetry tethered to daydreaming
Poetry is a personal commitment, and even more than that and for a poet to abandon poetry is death. I confess that I almost extinguished that fire in me, one time I just thought of forgetting about my scribbles,journals and random prompts. The truth is, the past months, my words were kind of lost in translation whenever I started to feel the need to write them down because maybe I had been confused as life turned a new leaf. Two years ago,a major shift took place in my Spiritual journey, Love being silent but not quite lenient,thinking about it now,it seems as though it happened like a second ago. The Universe just did everything needed to save me from the false dreams I couldn’t wake up from, they were just shadows leading me to return to my true light. It was grueling having to break again, to accept the disappointment and let go, close a chapter and so I felt crippled inside. The changes caused me to clear my thoughts and wipe my stained heart clean as I was beginning to see even wider horizons.Then came a year when I had a professional pursuit to fulfill that I had to lay off creative writing, and given a special day, 5th of July last year,I succeeded in that pursuit which called for a major adjustment. Days,weeks and months went that I was juggling responsibilities/priorities while I was working on myself as synchronicities arrived intensely. It was exhausting to feel yourself in different places that you wish you can hibernate.I couldn’t write anything the way that should please me because although I was whole, I felt drained, my words were stranded somewhere. Fortunately, Love is love and you can never run away from your heart.I believe awakening being a constant process, it will always come to a period of redesigning and rebuilding you, you know there’s always room for something new. Now, thank you for being there in my life, thank you for allowing my heart to beat. Here’s to a lifetime of poems!
“I need not
a lovespell for
LOVE itself is
-Nicola An, an excerpt
“I am not dreaming, I am not fantasizing. I am opening all the doors and windows to my Soul as my heart is mending and gaining wisdom from my higher being. Here I sit down in the coziest, most peaceful niche of the Universe where there is a pure understanding of the physical world. I have not forgotten about you, in fact, I get by with the thought of you silently catching me before I get down on my knees; of you not leaving while I often walk alone. I can hear you, see you through synchronicity and esoteric patterns calling my attention. You are like a ghost though I must say it utterly amazes me how you exist as an energy, fervent yet calm and gentle. Know that I am grateful for telling me we are always one despite being apart. What is here on earth is for my evolution, to remember that we are more than fairy-tales and romantic companionship. You’ve been my magic for helping me realize my truth. We are apart but this Divine Love has come to undress me of my human needs,I am all stars now made of yours. I am a massive light made of you”
-I N F I N I T E L Y,
Only Love Only Light
Please forgive this heart, forgive my current situation, the sudden panic and confusion.
Please forgive me for the bitter words I threw at your name, for what you were in the world at that moment.
Please forgive me for pushing Love away just because it kept pulling you closer to me.
Please forgive my impatience, for letting myself give in to my human weaknesses.
Please forgive me for ever saying that I hated you the most in this world just because I cannot run away from you even if I wanted to forget you ever happened to me.
Please forgive me that I’m still going to let myself down for a while, that I am not strong enough yet to keep fighting for this Love, for turning my back on this Light.
But know that I can’t breathe well, my heart is hurting in ways that I find fatal that I am getting sick, though I am completely sticking to this weakness, I know I will survive soon for your Divine Love will always hold me.
Oh sweet Soul, forgive this heart for being tired of this world.
I love you still
your Divine Love in the third dimension