These thoughts in my heart are plenty unlike those words that run on empty- the poems I could only wish to scribble that often merge into a puzzle, stashed among unread books for days, lackluster hours they solely embrace A sprig of chrysanthemums seeking attention from my idle stare and frozen intention These papers are lying flat and frowning like these words huddled, brooding Perhaps they're streams resisting gravity 'cause the ocean may not consent serendipity I might begin another story that hides in fiction and reluctantly drug myself with disillusion The poems I wish to write about you are letters imagining your sweetest beam upon receiving Oh, I am this anxious poetry tethered to daydreaming
Poetry is a personal commitment, and even more than that and for a poet to abandon poetry is death. I confess that I almost extinguished that fire in me, one time I just thought of forgetting about my scribbles,journals and random prompts. The truth is, the past months, my words were kind of lost in translation whenever I started to feel the need to write them down because maybe I had been confused as life turned a new leaf. Two years ago,a major shift took place in my Spiritual journey, Love being silent but not quite lenient,thinking about it now,it seems as though it happened like a second ago. The Universe just did everything needed to save me from the false dreams I couldn’t wake up from, they were just shadows leading me to return to my true light. It was grueling having to break again, to accept the disappointment and let go, close a chapter and so I felt crippled inside. The changes caused me to clear my thoughts and wipe my stained heart clean as I was beginning to see even wider horizons.Then came a year when I had a professional pursuit to fulfill that I had to lay off creative writing, and given a special day, 5th of July last year,I succeeded in that pursuit which called for a major adjustment. Days,weeks and months went that I was juggling responsibilities/priorities while I was working on myself as synchronicities arrived intensely. It was exhausting to feel yourself in different places that you wish you can hibernate.I couldn’t write anything the way that should please me because although I was whole, I felt drained, my words were stranded somewhere. Fortunately, Love is love and you can never run away from your heart.I believe awakening being a constant process, it will always come to a period of redesigning and rebuilding you, you know there’s always room for something new. Now, thank you for being there in my life, thank you for allowing my heart to beat. Here’s to a lifetime of poems!
Just when I thought I’ve forgotten the scars I took in my flesh and my shadow from yesteryears, a clean start looks like it is about ready to be tainted. I’m afraid I’ve been so used to getting hurt, I’ve acquired an incurable addiction to heartache
The qualms that deter for it’s clearly presumed that remembrance is time’s gift whether we like it or not, gone does not mean forgotten
As my heart sings again, an echo of its previous songs remains in the background but should this be about what I try to hear again or what I audibly hear at the moment?
The world says you can’t love again unless your heart has completely healed but isn’t loving again the only way to heal a pained love?What if it’s the right person you prayed for, you don’t need to appear all new and sound that maybe only in these moments of living loving you do I get the complete healing I deserve?
Now I understand why I still felt broken no matter how I greatly took care of myself. Like a true love’s kiss made to break a curse, maybe you’re the exact antidote to treat my heart, the healer that Love wanted me to wait for…[hopefully]
-art and words by Nicola An
Be patient, you will rise soon, as all the heavens and nature’s bosom await for their child’s birth, glancing at the sky for the first time as though the sun beaming is a promise of a lifetime with nothing but eternal light
-yours truly,Nicola An
Getting on with life through moments and chances, seeing and feeling what is necessary and what is provided, gladly taking in everything that is already there and yet glimpsing at an occasional episode of a disquieting thought like a shrill of warning piercing you inside. By and by, some things make an abrupt landing on your shoulders, one is when you surrender to the realization that what if what you have been greatly mastering leads you to failing, your comfort ccollapsing?
Such is the case for someone who has continuously earned the solitary days. Along the journey of finding bliss in solitude, getting so used to both inner and outer self while allowing the HEART to beat and the SOUL to search, I am bound to fear the confidence of aloneness, that this being all composed and distant where I stand still appreciating the gloom, I might miss what’s waiting for me behind the fog; which part of the world I must tend and nurture because as long as the skies whisper, there is somewhere that asks me to listen.
Life is always so clever teaching that what you highly gain turns out to instigate your pitfall. Maybe I have been too much at healing myself, I have forgotten that to love myself more is to manifest that love where it also belongs
– Nicola An
Abundance, not in having less but having enough and having enough is having whatever it is that is present, whoever it is with you there right now and simply allowing a whole of you to be there as well.
Stay grateful and be full, you have everything that is needed for you this time, take it to be more open to what’s coming next.
Happy Holidays precious Souls!
Love more 😁
Here’s to 2 3 years of borrowing this lifetime-this exhilarating and whimsical school of life. 2 3 years of being lost only to be found. 2 3 years of dreaming illusions before waking up to truth cannot be revoked. 2 3 years of giving and to be given more than what is expected. 2 3 years of being too much of myself and to finally let go and surrender to emptiness grandly liberating. 2 3 years of holding back and now allowing what is necessary to be there. 2 3 years of constantly feeling different yet always easily creating home. 2 3 and many years of loving unconditionally. My dear Universe, earth is beautiful, I am deeply honored, bless all the souls with me here. Happy 23rd birthday to this human I am grateful to take care of very well. My Soul loves me so much, I am infinite!
Only Love Only Light
Oh dear Universe and all the loving spirits in the higher dimensions, thank you for A YEAR of “The Universe at Heartbeat”, this is me speaking from my earth self, thank you for allowing me to create this piece. For the times of constant healing whenever I see this book because the journey that made me accomplish this will always be that one special reminder of being grateful to be here and being capable of understanding the balance and magic of existence. Thank you for making it as a bridge for me to connect to people I instantly find warm and welcoming even without meeting them, and for the kind words I randomly receive. I hope to create more and to send the love even to the next lifetime. I am not sure if I’ve spoken enough to deliver the true journey of this book, but hopefully to suffice it all: THE UNIVERSE AT HEARTBEAT is my gratitude to the Light that saved me, it is giving back to what I’ve been given, and from that Light I learned to always see the good and to never run out of something good to give. 🙂 I wish you a lifetime full of blissful days and a peaceful heart!
Thank you for your existence, if you happen to read this, do something good to yourself now! -Infinitely,