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The Tougher Question

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When we encounter people we’ve never seen in a long time or when we get to talk to a specific person we trust the most [usually a best friend] after a busy day, sometimes the first question that comes from them is “how are you now?”. Of course you may breezily say “I’m fine.” to keep a light conversation, it could be a lie if you are silently choking on it but at some point of your life you can say it with truthfulness if you go on fighting albeit the constant struggles.

In the past years of being all broken, you probably prayed that at the end of the tunnel your light will be that honest answer of you saying “I’m fine.” Finally, after overcoming the throes of depression and forgiving yourself, it must be your proudest moment having to see that light. But just when you knew you had passed the test, it turned out that it wasn’t the hardest one yet.

Suddenly life threw you a question if you are happy. At a loss for words, it’s as though you were brought in front of an empty white wall and you were told to try to read what wasn’t even there, you just stared and held your breath.

Here is the thing, it is quite a dilemma especially when the ego detects a challenge; to make it easy for you you will respond “yes, I am happy!” even if something inside you is holding back but then you will come out real and admit that you are not happy because you just realized it’s unbecoming to pretend. The good news is you don’t feel weak and ashamed at all after admitting, and you shortly comprehend that what you meant was “I’m not happy but I’m not miserable anymore.” If unhappiness before was like wanting to die right away, today it’s just as simple as taking a nap to de-stress.

Just because you are now a better person than you were does not mean you should always completely give the assurance to yourself that you are away from the monsters that lurk at every corner of the world. Overcoming depression is about being brave enough to accept the dark phase of life, it is knowing and understanding that perennial sadness can be a blessing, it is a rare strength you could ever acquire.

Being unhappy doesn’t always mean you are losing hope, sometimes it is this comforting thought: “life is hard but I am still alive.”

 

-Nicola An

 

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