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Yesterday’s scene was unplanned: I guess having my town as a chosen location for my thesis project was a blessing since after I went to talk to our town’s planner I was too consumed with sentiments when the rain continued to pour so I decided to take my time to get back to my past no matter how I tried to escape it.
Most of the time we tend to pretend our past does not exist when everything is so comforting in our today but then the truth is our today needs our real commitment to it if we would like to move on, and the way to be really settling with where we are now is to bravely recognize where we were yesterday because if we only relish life by only seeing the good things in front of us, we are only healing temporarily, we are playing safe.
I admit it took me quite a long time to truly accept that what I was running from will perpetually be towing behind me, until yesterday I found myself once again walking in town, my hometown and I was too amazed to feel at ease.
I lost myself few years back-my heart still contracts thinking about this-and I lost every part of me that I was so proud of. When I was much younger I was such a pretty bird,free and always felt as the center of attraction and attention. I used to have the stars in everything that I did, and as the age of mine came when I began to feel-when I began to feel the poignancy of life,all I had was a pitch-black sky.
It was not easy hiding your rawness, in my case I never had the courage to seek help because I was too young, I was not in my best state of mind dealing with an overwhelming heartache that as it grew along with my physical growth I built walls and stayed with shadows, I became a bleak view to look at and I shattered through and through.
Part of course of losing myself was my struggle to endure seeing where I took for granted a lot of me; when I was able to leave home to study in a big city, somehow I was able to begin again. I collected experiences, discovered places, saw new faces and gave my heart an even more wonderful journey to love. I had come to know who I was supposed to be, I found where to belong; nevertheless, having to come home frightened me that I got to get stuck in an irony of home not being home at all. I knew I was just escaping when I always craved to run away.
I guess yesterday I finally made amends with my past as the rain saturated the afternoon with intense nostalgia-the center of everything, of bittersweet memories. Most people stared at me as though I was a foreign entity even if I was from this town, it hit me that it had been a very long time since I last existed here that some I met on the way smiled at me like I was a worthy stranger being welcomed.
I liked the new people I saw and the changes in places, it’s too good to see that the world does go on and you feel yourself in it. Perhaps the times with weight in my core were too strong taking me away from where I began, from where I was born and developed my being with a lot of losing, breaking and hurting.
Now in this same place with everything evolving and my soul growing I can say that anywhere is home no matter how uncomfortable and feeble you are in where you’re standing, you learn to be at home anywhere when you smile at every person you see and when you leave a part of you with so much gratitude for the life you are still having.
So I reconciled with my hometown,I kissed her again for I knew she did miss me as I looked back to my old self and thanked her for bringing me to the best that I can be today.



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